Super Neglectful Hyper Busy Robot Team Force Go!!!!!!

WHY do I keep forgetting to review things??????  I've been so busy this year that I have had no time what-so-ever.  Thankfully I'm on Thanksgiving break, which should give me some time to review SOMETHING.  Don't know what yet, cuz I figured out that reviewing a site that reviews stuff is kinda hard.  I just saw Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist, though, so I think I'll start with that!  

Must        remember       review        movie!!!!!!!

Oh SNAP I totally forgot!!!!

This weekend has flown by so fast I completely forgot that I was supposed to review That Guy With the Glasses.com!!  Well, I don't have any time today, seeing as I have oodles and scads of homework to do.  Oh well, I guess my fan-base of 1 can wait another weekend....

The Great Renovation In The Sky.

Wow, I can't believe the last post on here was from July 25th!  Anywho, I was getting really sick of A Cosmos Befitting a King taking up dead space, so I decided to reinvent it as The Great Blog In The Sky.  The reason the old blog died was simply because I stopped seeing movies in theaters for a long time.  So instead of just reviewing movies in theaters, I've decided to review EVERYTHING!  And by everything I mean sites, videos on YouTube, movies, video games, etc... 

All in hopes of keeping this blog alive!  I will start off with a whole-hearted review of one of my new favorite sites to frequent, That Guy With The Glasses.com!  Enjoy!

Also, if there are things you want me to review, request them!

This Ain't Your Daddy's Superhero Movie or a Dark Knight review.

I have one thing to say about this movie: It better win an oscar, or I will seriously injure someone!!!!  I don't say that about a lot of movies.  Sure, I'm easy to please when it comes to the film industry, but THIS is no mere film.  This is an epic, better than the likes of Peter Jackson could ever make!  If you think I'm wrong, go see the movie.  If still think I'm wrong, register yourself for the Insane Asylum, because I guarantee no one else shares you opinion.  The Dark Knight shatters every boundary Superhero movies of the past put up, and we may never look at some the same way again, because if Zack Snyder hopes to get people to watch the upcoming Watchmen movie, he better make it as-good, or better than this.

The plot is simple yet complex, because there are motives, strange motives, no motives, and morale questioning to the highest degree.  There is no real origin story to Heath Ledger's Joker.  He just pops into town to stir a little anarchy.  He even uses a different story each time he explains the scar across his deranged face.  No, instead of "My Daddy Never Hugged Me," his excuse for his actions is simply "Because I Wanted To," or something to the extent of that.  Basically he turns Gotham against itself where you can't trust anyone but yourself, cuz you never know if you might die, particularly police officers.  Clearly this doesn't sit well with our Bat-friend, as anyone could figure out, as Bruce Wayne spends the rest of the film trying to track Heath down and teach him a lesson or two in the process.  

With such an overly-simple plot, it's hard to take in the fact that still so much stuff goes on in the movie.  There's mafia dealings, endless car chases, so many times you think they've finally nabbed the Joker and the movie can end peacefully and then BAM! an elaborately successful escape attempt.  This isn't saying the movie is predictable, it's anywhere but.  It's so ingenious you can't grab hold of how truly simple it is. It's good guy looks for bad guy to put him in jail.  But the inner workings of the Joker's mind make him the biggest wild card you'll ever see.  Truly Ledger's performance will go down in history, even if he doesn't posthumously receive an Oscar (which I honestly don't think he will just because the Oscars aren't cool any more).  Better than Jack Nicholson BY FAR!!!  Again, if you argue this point, you're as insane as the Joker.  Christian Bale's performance is as good as in the first one.  He puts a lot of dark in Batman and a lot of light in Bruce Wayne.  He's easily the best Batman in film, and his suit doesn't have Bat-nipples, or Bat-buttocks, anything's better than that.  What I liked most about this movie is the fact that there is almost no computer animation.  Of course they had to use it for Dent's face and some scenes where trucks couldn't possibly fly that high in the air without visible wires, but they actually flipped that Semi, and Bale participated in some of his own stunts too.  

I really must stop praising this movie, or else risk depleting all my praise reserves for other films.  There's nothing bad about this movie, other than the fact that whenever Bale speaks in long monologues as Batman it sounds kind of funny, but you can easily overlook that, cuz it's just that legendary a movie to diss.  I give this the only A+ I'll probably ever give.  It's just that good.  Go see it.  Go see it again.  Maybe see it a third time.  God, I just love this movie!

The Dark Knight:    A+

RASPUUUUTIN!!!!!!!!!!?????????? or a Hellboy review.

I don't think I have ever encountered a more confusing movie than this.  It's not the story line that's the problem, cuz that's VERY simple.  No, it's everything else.  What I mean is in the mythological sort of sense.  They give no back story what-so-ever to the fact that there IS in fact magic in the world.  It's just kind of......present.  There are spells through the roof that really need more explanation than given.  Like random immortality spells, resurrection spells, and what-not.  You're trying to keep up with the story, while in the meantime trying to make sense of the other things going on, like how certain powers work, everyone's origin story, all the different spells in use, who's bad, who's good and the ever present, metaphorical meaning of a man.  A perfect example is none other than the opening sequence where, a band of american soldiers in WWII tries to stop a Nazi Occultist organization from unleashing demons known as the Ogdru-Jahad from destroying the world.  In the wake of all this Rasputin, even though he was killed DECADES ago, has built a machine to bring the Ogdru-Jahad into our world, along with making his girlfriend immortal in a very awkward "love" scene, cuz everyone knows that you can make your girlfriend immortal by touching their forehead (do you sorta see what I'm talking about yet?).  Any way, the soldiers foil their plot, kill Rasputin (again) and destroy the machine, but the portal was open too long and something may have (has) gotten out.  In comes Hellboy, thought to be a red ape (in the middle of Scotland) at first, but eventually the team figures out it's not of this world.  The party's avid paranormal scientist, Trevor Bruttenholm "adopts" this strange creature and raises him as his own son.  In the present day (2004) Trevor is an old man while Hellboy seems just going into his late 20's, now the buff, red devil you all know and love.  Both work for the Bureau of Paranormal Research and Defense, an american secret organization that defends america from creepy-crawly beasts of legend.  A new problem is afoot (or old, I guess).  Rasputin has somehow returned from the dead (again) and is still trying to release the Ogdru Jahad, but with a new twist.  This time he needs Hellboy and his pyrotechnic girlfriend, Liz Sherman, to open up the portal (somehow).  Along the way, he releases a beast known as Samael the Hellhound, who, when it dies, spawns two more Samaels.  Of course, they all die somehow, and never respawn, somehow in one confusing, but entertaining slur of an action movie.  Oy...

The movie is in no sense bad, I loved it.  It just seemed like too much was going on for one movie.  That Guillermo del Torro is one crazy genius.  The creatures are really something to look at, even though they really never delve into to many other beasts (leaving that for #2, I guess).  It's pretty darn good, I recommend it to any one who likes stuff like werewolves and whatnot (Christian, Andy, whoever else....).  I give it a B.  Enjoyable, original, confusing, but entertaining.  Well done Guillermo!!

Hellboy:  B

"Call Me Asshole One More Time..." Or A More Realistic View On Superheroics.

[Major Spoiler Alert!!!]  Andy, this means you!!!  Go see the movie before reading this!

How long has it been since a superhero movie has come out that isn't based on a comic?  Answer: Never!(to my knowledge of course)  Hancock offers us one of the most original superhero stories in movie-going existence, and it isn't based on any comic book.  That's right, some Hollywood Exec. actually brainstormed this idea himself/herself (don't wanna sound sexist).  And it really delivers up to the hype.  It's one Helluvah movie.

Hancock(Will Smith)  is an unkempt, disheveled, bum of a man who just happens to have super powers.  In a rather unorthodox way, he more or less beats the bad guys and saves the day, all the while causing unimaginable property damage en route.  He's not liked by many and most think he needs to serve time for the reckless destruction he's caused while participating in his version of "heroics."  In comes public-relations spokesperson Ray Embray(Jason Bateman) who, after Hancock saves his life, finds a certain promise in him.  Seeking to make the public yearn for the heavily taken for granted Hancock, Ray concocts a scheme to make the people of Los Angeles miss their local hero.  He offers Hancock a chance to serve the time the public thinks he deserves so that after a while, when crime steadily begins to grow, he will be truly needed and his "calling" will be successfully fullfilled.  Hancock agrees and the plan works as expected, Los Angeles really does need a hero of super proportions.  Hancock is called out of jail to assist in a robbery/hostage situation in progress.  All goes well and Hancock successfully saves the day the way a real superhero should.  Meanwhile, there's something strange going on with Ray's wife Mary(Charlize Theron).  At the first site of Hancock from the very beginning, there is some unseen connection between the two.  Mary tries to avoid Hancock as much as possible for some unknown reason.  It isn't until a dinner one night between the three of them(Hancock, Mary and Ray) that both the audience and Hancock realize what's really going on.  Through a confrontation between Hancock and Mary we discover Mary has superpowers also.  The rest of the film chronicles the events depicting Hancock's origins and the link between both Mary and Hancock.

Just a few things starting off with this movie.  It's fairly predictable.  You can foresee Hancock in prison and even the eternal(and I mean eternal) bond between Hancock and Mary.  That is until about half-way through the movie.  Then there are plot twists unforeseeable to any nerd or movie critic alike.  It takes a 180 degree turn from any original plot and flips all early perceptions upside down.  Then it proceeds to brutally murder the perceptions and bury them in the back yard (talk about personification!).  Hancock turns from just your average super powered freak to a race of immortal, god-like beings, who, when they get too close to there equivalent opposite (i.e. Hancock to Mary), they lose their power and turn back into a mortal (did I not mention the Spoiler Alert earlier?).  My only complaint is that they rely too heavily on this eventual connection between the two too early in the film.  Half the shots of the first half are Charlize Theron with a near terrified look on her face from seeing Hancock (Not too subtle there is it?).  Oh, and the shots.  Most of the camera angles in this movie are shaky, steady-cam extreme close-ups.  Not that I don't like seeing all the pimples on Will Smith's face, it adds a hint of realism to the glitz and glamor of stardom, but I don't think that was the intended idea for whoever shot this.  But this isn't too bad a complaint, you easily get over it to be able to enjoy the movie.  What I did find really interesting about this movie is the amount of realism portrayed in how people would react to some super-powered freak of nature tearing up their city in order to get those pesky bad guys in jail.  Who would pay for the property damage if such an event would happen?  How would the public react to watching their city get torn to pieces?  Most superhero movies don't tell the publics opinion of it all, but this movie does (I can't tell if that's a good or bad thing.)!  Of course Will Smith's acting is second to none and the special effects are there and believable, so there really is nothing more to say.  This is one stupendous movie and if you have not seen it and are still reading this post, go out and watch it now.  I kind of forgot my grading scale so I'll give this film an A-.  There could be some adjustments, but overall it's entertaining and enjoyable, which is what the movie-going experience should be, right?

Hancock:  A-